Monday, September 17, 2007

Flat Out Strangers (Robbie Grice) at Doc's Gumbo Grille Wednesday night 6:56 Sharp

Flat Out Strangers at Doc's Wednesday night 6:56 Sharp

Stump Meetin Speech of Sputter Jones, Dixiecrat Candidate fer Governor of the sovereign state of South Cackalacky. Delivered on July 4th, 1999.
Howdy friends and neighbors, m y'all know me. My name is Sputter Jones, I'm a farmer jest like you,  and I approve this message. I'd like ta open with a joke that spells out my platform perty gud.
Q: How many hillbillies does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None cause they aint got no electricity in the trailer out in Blair and Pappy dun got his fangers cut off anyways at the sawmill and Bo's was blown off with a M-80 while he was a'fishin down by the Nuculer Plant ketchin them big ole basses with the glowin eyes what mama cooks over a open far and feeds them chirren with in the dark cause they aint got no power.
This here is a defamation of my character and the character of all the gud folks of the midlands of South Cackalacky. I resent this kinda yankee-sympathizing-carpet-baggin-brainwarshin-keepin-the-cracker-down remark. I bin a'livin in the midlands area of thischere state nigh on 50 years and I ain't never bin called no hillbilly. Why, we aint even got no hills to speak of down here… I'll show them Warshington fellers, by golly, who's a hillbilly! I'll take a two by four to 'em.
Anyways, ifn ye votes fer me, I'll kerrect thischer problem and we won't never be called hillbillies no more. I won't be a'shakin hands this go-round cause I got my fangers cut off in the fan belt of a '68 Firebird me and Peanut's bin a'reb.


Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry